A Husband and a Wife

I love my husband and I love my wife. I didn’t expect this: that I would love so intimately a man and a woman at the same time. But, today, this is where I find myself.
I met and fell in love with my husband almost 6 years ago. I messaged him on Match.com ( we had an unnatural common interest in powdered donuts and the like). On our first date, I met him in a bar and we held/stroked hands and talked until we both looked up from our fog to notice that all the bar’s patrons had left and it was just the two of us now: oblivious to the angry glares of the waitresses. Four beers in 5 hours wasn’t enough to excuse our idiocy.

After that night, I knew we were going to be something special. And he was special. He stood by me through family drama and I did the same for him. Because we saw something in each other that we knew we could find nowhere else. Home.

Two weeks ago, I met my wife Michelle. We had just put our daughter to sleep in her big girl bed. I let the dog out into the yard and shut him in he crate for the night. That puppy was only 8 weeks old and we were already regretting the decision. When we were laying in bed, we started talking about the changes that would happen to his body.

Him: HRT will help my body redistribute fat for a more womanly silhouette and grow hair.

Me: So you will grow little boobies and get wider hips…we should stop buying so many size 8s for you then. LOL.

Him: The estrogen will also help regrow the hair on my head.

Me: Wow! I’ve never seen you with hair.

Pause Pause

Me: What do you want your name to be? (internal thought: please don’t be something like Natalie or Candy. I can’t imagine spending my life with a Natalie.)

Him: I was thinking of Michelle…because I like Michael so much and I want to make it easy for you.

And that’s how I met my husband Michael and my wife Michelle.

I love them both. Or loved my husband and love Michelle. Is loving them both at the same time possible? I love the singular person who is my husband and my wife. I think it is possible for some people and maybe not for others. I’m lucky that I can count myself as part of the ‘some’ as I couldn’t imagine my life without her.


3 thoughts on “A Husband and a Wife

  1. I just found your blog through the “Marriage & Transitioning” facebook page. I think you two are at similar stages in your transition as my wife & me. She first realized that she’s transgender during the “Summer of Caitlyn Jenner” almost 2 years ago. My wife has not started HRT (because we are trying to have a child first), but she presents as female 90% of the time.
    Thank you for your blog. It’s so nice to know that we aren’t the only ciswoman/transwoman couple. I know there are a few more of us out there… but I always feel so alone.


    1. Lily,

      Thank you for the reference to the Marriage & Transition Facebook Page. I like collecting resources to share.

      I also tend to feel very alone, like I am the only one whose spouse is transitioning. I started a Slack Group for spouses & partners of transgender people. You can use it anytime you want to talk. The first live group Hangout is this Wednesday, March 29th @ 7PM-7:45PM CST (UT -6).

      You can join by clicking this link.


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