Coming Out: Two Years Later

This month, August 2017, marks two years since my spouse came out to me as a transgender woman. While I am amazed at how far we have come as a couple and a family since that day, looking back now, I am in awe of my wife’s courage.

She must have been incredibly fearful of my reaction and how our lives would change after she voiced transgender to me for the first time.

And I understand why.

I didn’t understand the full picture of what being transgender meant. Obviously I knew that meant a person who changed genders but anything beyond that (the emotional turmoil, struggle, etc) was foreign to me.

trans (to move) + gender (being female or male) = transgender

After I heard the news, there was no telling if I would

  1. Grasp the concept
  2. Empathize
  3. Totally freak
  4. Or leave.

Damn, she must have been petrified to tell me. But she did.

It started as a routine conversation about her general dissatisfaction. She had been constantly insatiable since we met: always looking for something better or more exhilarating to fill a void within her. Overtime, I came to figure that she would always be a little disgruntled with the calmness of life and needed adventure to comfort her. She explored hobbies one by one with extreme depth from baking bread to piloting airplanes with one hundred in between. I thought our conversation that August was going to be a routine bickering between the two of us.

It began as

Michelle: I want more out of life.

Hailey: What more could you want?! You have a family, a job, and place to live…

Michelle: I want to be me.

Then she told me. She said that she was a woman and wanted to live as a woman.

After hearing the news, I

  1. Thought she had gone mental
  2. Empathized with her obvious emotional anguish
  3. Totally freaked about what this meant for our family
  4. And stayed.

Now, two years later, I have moved passed the hurt and confusion I felt the day she came out. The years have passed. Our family is coasting through her transition.

Recently, I’ve grown to look deeper at the person on the other side of the conversation: the anxiety and total fear in telling me.

The woman screaming to come out.

It took a lot of guts and I am so thankful she did.


3 thoughts on “Coming Out: Two Years Later

  1. It’s been two years for us this month too.
    I’m so happy to hear that your family is “coasting” through. It’s amazing that it has only been two years ago, but also so much has happened in just those two years!
    Much love to you & Michelle! May the two of you continue to grow & change together.


    1. We still have some of the same struggles we had at the beginning of the transition. I guess it seems like coasting because the struggle is now a normal thing for us. Thank you for your kind words! Congratulations to you both! I wish only the best for y’all.


  2. When I came out to my wife a year ago it was much the same. I remember her asking “what did you expect” with regard to this revelation. The truth is, I had no expectations with regard to our relationship. What happened was moot because hiding myself was eventually going to to kill me. All I could do was take a leap of faith.

    Follow the link to see how I stuck the landing after that leap.


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