Supporting a transgender family member can require a large amount of time and energy. I know this path as a trans person is even more difficult. It asks so much intensity and power of all families going through a transition. Now, add normal stressors like work, broken down cars, and bills and you got a cluttery mess.

While your life may seem to stop when someone you love comes out as trans and your head is swimming in shock, you still have to get your butt up and go to work to get paid. Then, when you’re there, all of your energy is devoted to not thinking about your family’s transition. So you begin to segment your life and emotions into different worlds:  the true self and work self. And you work so hard to keep them apart, to maintain employment that it exhausts you to your very core.

Then the car’s transmission goes caputs or a natural disaster rocks your world and life feels too difficult to handle. Your family has to rebuild a home or car (or both) and you are suddenly bleeding money in all directions while trying to support and nurture a family full of love and positivity. Soon you find yourself pouring your heart and frustration out to the random Lyft driver taking you home from the auto shop (cough…a personal story…). Meanwhile your family is still navigating the world of gender transitioning.

And right when things start to calm down in your life and your family is on the right path, you get the monthly bills:  electricity, internet, car, auto insurance. You resist the scream, “Don’t you know what we are going through?! We can’t do this!” But you don’t. You find a way to pay or not pay. You learn to negotiate will bill collectors and bandage financial hemorrhages. Why? Because transitioning is expensive. Life is expensive. Find a brief mention of expenses here.

But we do it because we love our families and will sacrifice everything (money, energy, sanity) for the people we love.

So next time you get bills in the mail or the car breaks down on the side of the road, remember that everything will be okay.

Take a deep breath and find a way.